wedding horror

I have already made an unsettling discovery: the wedding industry is driven by fear.

I expect, and even understand that from other industries. Obviously, home security, life insurance, mace manufacturers, and politicians, could not survive without constantly reminding us of how much danger we are constantly in. But I really did not see this coming from the lacey, sparkly, elegant, and oh so romantic, wedding industry. However, now that I think about it, it all makes sense. Since getting married really only requires a marriage certificate and a judge (so maybe a couple hundred dollar investment), this industry, in order to exist, had to find a way of convincing us all to spend a fortune instead. And they do that by saying things like:

“This is the most important day of your life.”

and

“You’re the bride, you should have exactly what you want.”

Plus somebody along the way made up a bunch of incomprehensible rules and traditions designed to make it extremely difficult and expensive get to married. My current favorite is the sound financial advice they give that the ring should cost the guy three months of his salary. Or what? You will be dumped and ostercized?

The only really big example I have experienced so far was from a jeweler I talked to about getting a ring. She called me today to ask if I had decided and I told her we found someone who could make it cheaper. She proceeded to describe to me how the ring was going to be ugly from the jewels to the setting and I would have to wear it forever and ever and I would hate it and be miserable and accordingly my marriage would be a failure and my children would hate me. She gave me this speech in a really sweet voice, and for just a minute it worked and I was scared. But luckily I snapped out of it and realized that I was just talking to an aggressive woman who was willing to be totally obnoxious and mean to try and make money.

It was probably good preparation for ignoring people throughout this process.